New Years Blues "Mistakes" (2012-01-03)

New Years Blues “Mistakes”

          I think I have New Years Blues because I feel at the end of every year I reflect on the year passing and the things I have been through. I think the title comes from the fact that in recent months I have had some awful dreams and it makes me think I have made some mistakes and in my head and heart I feel as if I need to own these mistakes embrace the wrong, the pain take it in stride and also see the good and the joy I have got from these “Trade Mistakes” or “Beautiful Mistakes.”

          I got a couple of songs that came to mind in this moment “Trade Mistakes” by a favorite band of mine Panic at the Disco. It is singing about trading mistakes with the person in your life, I love that concept what if you could trade mistakes with them maybe they could understand why you feel the way you feel. See things differently if even for a moment. I would like to think its not a mistakes just a new opportunity to learn another life experience. He sings “I may never sleep tonight as long as your still burning bright I’ll stay awake till I trade my mistakes or they fade away.” I love that I different would relationships and friendships be if you could just go here babe here are my mistakes now do you see where I am coming from. Who knows maybe not but I love the thought and it just been on my mind because I wish I could get people to understand why I am the way I am. But I cant so in some situations it is just a matter of taking the good from that moment and learn from the bad.

          The second comes from an amazing song from Keri Hilson. I dig it may quote the whole first couple lines. “I followed my heart, but every time I do it gets me lost and left in the dark. I think its clear its time I guess were just not compatible. You pick me up you put me down you keep me under the floor.” I love the song it is another line I will quote before I get my thoughts out. It goes “Better friends then lovers, lets just call it what it is baby what it is, never thought I would say but we were a Beautiful Mistake it is what it is, you know I’m going to miss you by my side but it is what it is.”   I was thrown cause it was like totally good to hear, you think that in your life experience and in your relations with people that you would have gained some wisdom or some kind of insight and you don’t you learn something new everyday and every person you meet or you  learn from or teach something and that’s what I love about life. It has been a hell of a year and that is a good thing I take that back a great thing so much has happen and I love all that has happen it has been a blessing and I as I write this in the early hours of 2012 I smile because life could be so different and life has been so different and I miss so many people and I think they know who they are. I just need to say some mistakes are beautiful because in 3 months or 6 months that mistake or miss judgment can surprise you hell in 3 days the change can be all you need to stick it out and make it work. Nothing is perfect but if you find your right kind of crazy it is worth it and I truly belief it cause I have had my fair share of crazy. And trust me at this age I think no I know I will not deal with it, its not worth the stress or heartache. So back to my train of thought I belief in mistakes I don’t belief in regrets mistakes are doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. I love where I am and I could not ask for better growth and meaning in my life what ever happens I am content with knowing hey I tried I did all I could. The only difference is I beautiful mistake is major they matter more they have more of an impact so you feel more if that mistake takes hold of you molds you, consumes you. I am who I am all the time and it tool some years some growth some hard times and some bull shit but I did it and I love who is in the mirror cause I blamed everyone till I tool one of my idols message and STARTED WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR and I needed to  change before the world could (in my eyes at least). I am me now 24/7 and it is such a more peaceful and loving life with meaning and that’s all I could ask for with the new year.

          So hears to 2012 may life bring you beautiful mistakes so you can have the strength and wisdom to learn, grow, and live through them…

Live, Love, and Dance

“Life is the Sum of Choices You Make”

<3 Ty 2012

Solitude (2011-12-02)

~Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.

- Winston Churchill

                Solitude is directly defined as loneliness. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude in the Artic it is his alone time to think about the ways of the world how cool. Some people cant grow alone they need the constant approval and adoration of friends and family or that special someone. I dig it I understand it I applaud it I envy it, because who doesn’t want someone on their side someone dedicated to their cause down for them all the way. And don’t get me wrong those people do help you grow but when does growth become programmed memory or their agenda, you cease to live you life at that point and turn into their version of you to make them happy “When did I become a puppet in my own life?” that’s when shit gets real or it stays the same for quite a while. What do you do when you feel like solitude is all you have, is it hard to open up to someone new or something new? Maybe its something familiar that has changed slightly. I feel like I need solitary confinement but instead opted for the party bus LOL. You know it is okay when you make a decision without anyone else’s input or the input you got is all you needed to move forward with a unusual plan that no one understands but, it seems okay to you. It may end in fire and brimstone but for now its flowers and candy hahaha sorry I had a flashback. Back on track is solitude good? I don’t know about you guys but I wanted to check myself into a home early last year cause I thought I was losing it and I thought wait free room and board free pills and free food I am in (I’m serious).Then they said if you check yourself in your cant check yourself out after 30 days a family member needed to. So that idea quickly went to hell in a hand basket. But is solitary really good? I believe it is not all the time but in those moments in life when your friends or family may not be the best help or the situation your in is too unique to try and explain. Close the doors put the phone on silent and just play some music that’s my ritual or hell go on a cruise ship and don’t check your email or face book but every 10 or so days both are awesome. Or for that matter combine them go on a cruise ship close your door and play some music and not answer your phone or emails or anything but when you want to. I feel like superman had his fortress of solitude because he was different then the rest Batman had his bat cave but he also had a butler and housed tons of lil minions I.e. robin, batgirl, nightwing. Any who I think every person needs that place that no one else can move or invade whenever they wanted I have those places and no one can move those places or move in on that territory and that’s what I love about my fortress of solitude its built Ford tough. So basically I just wanted to write about solitary and to finish my thought process just say Solitude is needed in doses but if alone too long you let life pass you by. So trust me enjoy your me time but also enjoy those times with friends because life is about the connections you make in this life…

Farewell (2011-11-20)

Farewell

          Interesting title I love it though it is a very awesome song it is one of Rihanna’s new songs off her album Talk the Talk. It is pretty great in the way that she is in love with him and yet she doesn’t want him to stop doing him to be with her and she says “I Hope that you find it on the first try”. It is amazing in my world because not many people both men and woman can make that kind of sacrifice for someone else’s happiness I wanna know who wrote it because she says “I don’t wanna be the reason you stay”. I would love to know who wrote this because the lyrics are so mature and real. It is awesome because life gives you those moments to hold on to something good or amazing because it makes you comfortable or it keeps you safe. I believe the old quote is soo right if you love something let it go. Personally I love this song because at least twice in my life I have had to make that hard decision to not wanna hold no one back or be held back so you leave and does a part of you wish they would stop you? For me I  did wish they would have spoke up but that never happens the way you see in movies hahahha. I think I love this song because it speaks to me in a way I haven’t heard in a while she is genuinely happy to see him live his dream and yet so sad she let him go. I talk about regrets a lot and life being the sum total of choices you make because I always try to see the light at the end or the silver lining. Lifes too short to have the guilty or regret in you of what if? why didn’t I? If only I. Farewell is a hard pill to swallow when its not what you want or what you think you need everyone needs to let go of the things that bind us to this world family, friends, lovers, and well things because life is fleeting and tomorrow is not promised and today is a gift that’s why its called the present. Farewell is not forever sometimes its till next time or I guess I’ll see you next lifetime.

          Farewell is a hard concept to hold on too. Some people cant let go no matter the pain or the circumstance or the length of time. You have to say farewell at some point people die, friends leave, grow apart whatever the case farewell goes hand and hand with change. And change is what we all need to grow as people and individually inside us. Life is a balance or give and take, love and lost, up and down, the thing that defines our life or makes life worth living is the wisdom to know when something is worth having, when to trust, how to love again and the growth to accept the change in our life and take it all in because it could be gone in a instant. To say that its easy to move past a hard farewell is a lie it is difficult but the real difficulty is in accepting something new in your life and the strength to let go of what’s not right in front of you because when that’s leaves I guarantee what you held so tightly too will soon leave and loneliness is a hard life to live. Goodbye may be hard no one signs up to get hurt they don’t plan on having to make hard decisions but giving the alternative of being completely alone isolated and sad because you couldn’t deal with a farewell or took it too hard or could let go of the past to move forward goodbye seems so much more easy and relevant.

         

          So I will leave ya with this Farewell is Amazing once you can appreciate the importance it has on your over all growth.  

Live, Love and Dance and not matter what happens in your life, Life is the Sum of Choices you Make…. :D 

No Way Please "Take Care" (2011-11-18)

No Way Please “Take Care!!!!”

          This thing is amazing it is a song by Toni Braxton and the first versus I wanna quote. “Will you please let down your wall so I can finally come on in. See I’m not like all the other girls that you have been messing with. See I wanna give you everything will you please accept my heart I won’t let anything tear this love apart.” it is a beautiful versus she is open as hell she basically says let down your guard and try to trust again I think everyone should hear the song it is pretty great. The chorus is nice too I will quote it for ya as well LOL. “No Way No How not me not now I’m gonna prove my love is true breaking your heart is something I wont do.” I think that is awesome it is so good to hear I love the concept the rawness of those lyrics. It is so great to feel this song to look at someone and say hey listen I’m not him or her so don’t let me pay for their mistakes. I love that in this song it is great because she goes on to say “please let down your wall cause it’s way to high to climb.” some things are worth that up hill battle walk, that chance, the fear of something new. Scary is good if it is GOOD. I mean I was looking at past relationships and I thought why did I fight and argue with some of these people then fall for them then wanna shot myself in the neck later in life. Its because its what I knew, attracted toward me and loved. Wow it is kinda funny when I write it down because that is dumb. You are suppose to at least like her before you wanna date her. Anywho this is not about that. I would like to think and believe everything happens for a reason and that is oh too true. LIFE IS THE SUM OF CHOICES YOU MAKE and I cant stress that enough because it holds so true. What if I? How many stories can we start like that I would hope not a lot but in some cases people start that way and it is sad. I love the life I live and the things I have been blessed with is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. People worry about way too much in life, it is time consuming and unproductive and not worth the pain it causes you and others around you. You learn from life experiences and you cant learn every lesson in your life time you have to listen to friends, mentors, parents, strangers hear their stories heed  the warnings. It has to be hard letting people in after something bad has happen, we all get it in the mist of life things happen and you think you cant recover but you hear something and it makes you reassure yourself of life and your decisions.

          The second part is the new track by Drake feat. Rhianna I love the track it is what I am feeling right now in my life and it is amazing to feel that way. I mean it is so great to be around someone that cares and appreciates all of you without all the BS or judgment in the beginning who knows what the future holds and that’s okay because tomorrow isn’t promised and that I know for sure. The song is sick I mean just goggle the lyrics, you all know I love lyrics so you will love these. They say “ If you let me I’ll take care of you” it is enough  for me but so much of the song is so true in relationships and situations and I  love that about music it can change all that you think your mind set and that is cool and Rihanna says “ I know that you have been hurt by someone else, I can tell by the way you carry yourself. If you let me I will take care of you.” I love that it can be so amazing and so scary at the same time I mean I have heard it all so to be content and happy and genuinely happy is so rare for and I wont say rare I will say not existent. It is different because so many things in these songs stick out and make me think about where I am, where I have been and where I might be, and my question is does the good out weigh the bad does the thought of something great out weigh the collision of 2 asteroids. Towards the end of the song Drake says this “you don’t say you love me to your friends when they ask you even though we both know that you do”. and in those lyrics I freak out because ami just the substitute or the starting line up. Or am I the replacement til the starting line is better? All valid in my head but am I thinking too much is life soo different that I cant make my decisions or am I making my decisions and I am okay with it no matter the outcome., Am I that guy or the other guy, or the good guy or the lonely guy? On any of these titles I am okay with because it has been an amazing journey and the destination is worth the journey where ever that leads.  I will end the this with I will take care to know that no way will I compromised the things I have learned for love nor will I take care of someone or something that I don’t 100 percent believe. On both notes I am happy and I wish that you all can be so gun hoe as to not care the circumstance and just love and hope to be loved in return. Or to take care of that which is yours no matter the situation be in her or his corner and say hey listen I get it your not alone and I am not leaving till you tell me its over, whatever over is. Because you cant finish something until you start something.

           Live, Love and Dance and not matter what happens in your life, Life is the Sum of Choices you Make….

          Hope to hear from you all soon  :)